


Goodbye

by InsaneHam



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Confessions, F/M, Major Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 08:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16301615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneHam/pseuds/InsaneHam
Summary: “You have 3 weeks left to live.”





	Goodbye

“You have 3 weeks left to live.”

Alexander felt as though he’d been punched. All the air escaped his body, and he was struggling for air. His pupils contracted above his heavy eyebags. If he had not been sitting down, then he surely would have fallen over.

“...What?”

The doctor had a pitying expression on his face. Alexander hated that. It was too familiar, as if the hurricane destroyed his life again.

“Three weeks, Mr Hamilton. At most. Would you like me to elaborate on-”

“No.”

He swallowed, trying to keep the sob out of his voice. Why now? Just when everything had fallen into place, when he had people who loved him dearly, death had finally arrived. Perhaps this was his punishment for living so long. To have his life ripped away from him when it was happiest.

“Is.. Is there really no other way? Surely, with today’s technology…”

The doctor shook his head.

“I’m afraid not.”

Alexander had always known this day would come. He had far outlived his expiry date, running on borrowed time. But now life had caught up to him, and he wasn’t going to escape its clutches again. Tears formed at the corner of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. 

“I suggest that you quit your job and live your last days with those .”

Hamilton shook his head furiously, struggling for the words. He was the happiest he had ever been in his short life, and he wasn’t going to let the world he made crash down around him.

“I won’t quit.”

The doctor blinked.

“Mr Hamilton, your job is quite taxing, and it may shorten the time you have left.”

“I won’t quit!” 

Alexander stood, chair making an awful screeching sound as it was pushed back. Despite his short stature, he managed to exclude such anger that the doctor flinched.

“I worked my ass of to get this job, and I’m not about to give it up! You wouldn’t understand! Where I come from, even coming to America is hard! Life gave me a chance, I took it, and I shined! There’s no way… no way…”

Alexander dropped back, slumping in his chair. His hand ran over his face, trying to comprehend the concept of his own mortality. He had never really worried about it before, not after the storm, when everything was obliterated except him. It was then he wanted to die, but no matter how many stupid decisions he made, death would not take him. And now, when he had started to enjoy the world, he was handed his own death date. Life played cruel tricks.

“That may be, Mr Hamilton, but I must insist. It is in your own best interest-”

“Do we have doctor patient confidentiality?”

The doctor seemed taken aback, but most did when patients asked about legal terms in the face of their own death.

“Yes, we do but-”

“Good.”

Alexander stood up and started pacing. It was a technique that helped him feel in control. The gears started turning in his head. No one could know, that was for sure. The knowledge would destroy any semblance to his normal life.

“Don’t tell anyone. Not my girlfriend, my boss, anyone.”

“Mr Hamilton, I must object!”

Alexander’s hand smashed down on the desk, a loud crash emanating. The pain must’ve been extreme, but Alexander didn’t even seem to notice.

“No. No one needs to know.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Very well. But I-”

Alexander stood up and left, not even bothering to listen to the blather the doctor would say about straightening out his affairs. He had organized his will long, long ago. Everything was in order. It was be perfectly fine if he died. Just another dead orphan, who accomplished nothing in his short life. A choking sound escaped the back of his throat, but he quickly suppressed it. He wasn’t about to break down on the sidewalk. 

All the way home, Alexander refused to cry. It was only when he had retreated to the relative safety of his apartment that he allowed the tears to run down his cheeks. In his bed, he sobbed until his voice gave out. It was so unfair. He would have welcomed death a few years ago. Even dreamt about it, reuniting with his mother in heaven. But his mother would want him to live. He couldn’t die. Not then, not now. He had so much to do, so much to live for. He still needed to get his debt plan through, to marry and have kids and live out the rest of his life with his dear, sweet Eliza. 

Eliza.

One thought connected to another, and he was suddenly scrambling out of bed. Gasping for air, he shakily picked up his phone and pressed her number, bringing it to his ear.

Ring. Ring.

“Hello?”

Thank god. Alexander took a shaky breath, trying to keep his emotions under control. He couldn’t let Eliza know.

“My love.”

Her sweet voice brightened.

“Alexander! How are you?”

“I’m good.”

He bit his tongue as he realized the pure amount of despair he had injected into that sentence. Sure enough, Eliza high spirits dropped, and her voice dripped with concern.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

It was a weak excuse and Alexander knew it, but Eliza was too trusting to question it.

“Okay. What you like to speak about?”

It was here. He could tell Eliza everything, that he was going to die, that he was sorry that he couldn’t live and die together like they had promised they would.

But then what?

Eliza would cry, because she was that one soul that felt everyone's pain. The next three weeks would be the most painful ones of her entire life. 

No.

He couldn’t weigh Eliza down with his own burdens. She had already done enough for him.

“I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Oh!” 

There was a short squeal of laughter that brought a faint smile to his cheeks. Eliza never failed to cheer him up. What had he ever done to deserve her? The smile vanished as he realized, that in three weeks he would never hear it again. A few moments later, she recomposed herself.

“Thank you Alexander.”

“Anytime love.”

He really needed to stop talking. He could feel the next breakdown building up.

“Eliza, I’ve got to go. Tell Angelica I called.”

“Alexander wait-”

He hung up as the first sob wracked his body. Eliza. His dear, sweet Eliza. How could he leave her? There was no way. The world couldn’t do this. Alexander buried his face in his pillow and cried well into the night.


End file.
